The guide to wild, secret orgies

The mecca of all sexual experiences, talking orgies conjures up visions of ancient Greek rites that take us to our highest sexual selves. People who've been to sex parties agree: once you have your first wild experience, more will follow. But an orgy doesn't usually fall into your lap on any given day. These secret gatherings take work. But everything involved with an orgy is work you'll love to see unfold.

Finding one

Discovering the secret world of orgies can feel like storming a fortress. Cities have it easy, but smaller towns (and also rural areas) keep orgy-offerings under wraps. Invites are word of mouth, and you might be used to worrying about accidentally running into other parents from the local Girl Scout club.

Thankfully, the internet provides. Feeld, a kinky app for queer and group hookups. This app is the place for people looking to share their bodies for the night. In your profile, mention your quest for orgies or sex parties.

The only problem? Feeld works best in larger towns. That's when FetLife. Com and SwingTowns. Com come in handy. These sites are all about everything related to the orgy, and there's always a party in driving distance – even if your town only has one stoplight. Craft a stellar profile with honest desires, and you’ll be rolling in the orgy invites day and night.

Play smart

Once you have a good orgy on the books, see which STD clinics offer free panels near you, and schedule an appointment well before the orgy. Everyone who goes to orgies knows: the only good lover is an informed one. Test results in hand, you're ready to have wild sex with new lovers all night long

At the party

No orgy is identical to another orgy. You may think you’ll open the door to a pool of writhing bodies kissing no each other, but in reality, you may just be in for something a little different. That’s because every orgy is deliciously unique. At your first orgy, you may peg five guys. At the next, maybe you only make out with someone and get tied up.

Whatever it is, an open mind helps.

Before you get there, think about what you’ll wear, and bring extra layers, such as a silky bathrobe or nightie. After someone undresses you and unbuttons that suit or unties your corset, you won’t want to button yourself back up during a water break.

Once you have your clothes in mind and you find yourself at the party, expect the hosts to take some time to lay down the rules. Whatever they say flies; if a room, a substance, an act, or certain language is off limits, you have to abide. Not only is it good guest etiquette, but it keeps everyone on the same page, feeling safe, and getting sexy.

Consent is essential

Without consent, there is no orgy. Period. From an outsider’s perspective, it’s easy to think that showing up at an orgy gives you a carte blanche to have fun with everyone. The answer couldn’t be further from the truth. For starters, there’s no way to know someone’s sexual orientation just by looking at them, and finding out by going in for the kiss is a terrible decision. The only way to know is by asking.

Ask for permission at each new interaction – a “yes” for a kiss doesn’t mean a “yes” for oral. The second you hear or sense hesitation (or a flat out rejection) accept their feelings. The last thing you should do is pout or take their boundaries personally.


To keep their guests safe, many orgy hosts employ stoplight safewords to make sure everyone is consenting. If your hosts haven’t set up orgy-wide safewords, you need to do that with every partner. At the very least, ask them how they’re feeling before you progress further with anything involving their body. Ask sexy, open-ended questions such as, “I’d love to finger you. Can I do that?” 

Consent is also a two-way street. Remember that you can revoke yours at any time – and you don’t owe the person you started smooching anything other than clear communication (yes, even though you're at an orgy). Speak up the moment you get uncomfortable.

Mind the booze

At the heart of all orgy etiquette is this: never, ever pressure someone – and always check to make sure they haven’t had too much to drink. Orgies often have an endless flow of booze (and sometimes drugs). If you’re getting sexy with a new person, and they suddenly seem like they’re a little past tipsy, check in and get them water instead. If you’re really worried, talk to the host. 

Sexy community thrives when we all help each other have a safe and juicy night where we share our bodies safely.

After the party

Ultimately, an orgy is just a party with sex. Etiquette still applies, and if you want to get invited back, be a good guest. Clean up any messes you might’ve caused, and ask your orgy hosts if they need help before you bounce.

When you get home, do what you need to settle in. Craft a new D&D character named Orgia inspired by the night's orgy, watch a rom-com, read a dictionary, etc. Everyone's different - but decompressing is essential.

Got some orgy-related advice?

Getting hot and heavy at an orgy takes practice. Mastering the art of the orgy isn’t a one-time event. Like learning how to paint, you’ll need to practice your suave moves before you’re a star. But with a little practice, a lot of consent, and some basic etiquette, you’re sure to be invited back.

What’s your number one orgy tip? Share it in the comments!