Pegging

Pegging? The surprising truth about what women really think

You're open to trying new things. You've had your share of three ways, you like some BDSM, and you are down to learn the latest term and trend when it comes to getting frisky. But there's one thing that escapes your grasp: pegging. Just the name makes you feel anxious. But the thing is, we've all heard the closed-minded narrative: pegging is “emasculating.” 

That rumor couldn't be further from reality. In fact, what you do in the bedroom doesn't define you in any way, shape, or form. How you identify is how you identify, and if you're a burly he-man, liking the many uses of your wife's dildo doesn't change a thing about the kind of person you are, masculine or otherwise.

If you've managed to get through the past decade without learning what pegging is, let me clue you in: although it's different for all configurations of lovers, pegging is usually when a woman wears a dildo and performs anal sex on a male partner. With dildos big and small, ones that are two-sided or vibrating, any couple that pegs finds something unique in their play that they just can't get enough of. It’s a hot, intimate, and unique experience for everyone involved. But unfortunately, our culture's limiting views on male pleasure are robbing straight fellas of deep, powerful orgasms. A lot of men feel so unstable in their masculinity that they’re afraid of what it might mean about their identity if they get a thrill from being pegged.

The men who are stuck in that kind of limited thinking are missing out. The rest of us will be over here having a ball, because we know that pegging is what’s up when it comes to intimacy - especially for men. Why? People with penises have a special seed of pleasure that makes the sensation oh so sweet: the prostate. Many folks write the prostate off as a pesky gland the doctor has to check, one that gets bigger as you age. 

Oh, how wrong they are. The prostate is more than just a spot inside. It's a thrilling little bead of joy that gives orgasms all by itself. All you need to do to find it is head a few inches up the back door. Think of it as the XY chromosome G Spot. And if you’ve ever seen someone react to hitting the G Spot, you have a good idea that the P-Spot is something nobody can afford to sleep on.

How do you define pegging?

If you look up the meaning of a peg, Urban Dictionary will tell you that, among other things, pegging feels 'out-of-this-fucking-world amazing.' In straight relationships, pegging is a kind of anal sex where the woman (using the help of a strap-on dildo) has anal sex with a man. Although this kind of anal sex is often done with a strap-on dildo, the woman can actually hold the dildo in her hand and feel it sliding in and out of her man, even doubling the pleasure by giving him head at the same time. Think of it as flipping the script. She penetrates him during the act, rather than being penetrated. In a heterosexual relationship, the woman is almost always the one to get penetrated, and throwing a dildo into the mix only adds to the spice of the event. Not anymore.

All of this comes with a clarification: pegging is most commonly denoted as a sexual act between two straight people, but that's just not the case. Two people may have anal sex using a dildo or strap-on if they're both trans* men in a gay relationship, and a woman having sex with a woman may also choose to use her strap-on for anal sex with her partner. Every couple's sexual journey is their own, and man, woman, or neither, everyone should enjoy this intense sexual activity however they want.

For the person getting penetrated, the pleasure is unparalleled. But getting pegged doesn't make you a greedy lover, either: it's not just the person getting penetrated who finds it pleasurable...

Lots of women get a rush from pegging, too

While the world would have you think that a sexual act like pegging would be so shocking, that nobody would talk about it, times are changing. Many people, especially women who date mostly men, find the act of performing anal sex on their male partner particularly thrilling.

For a woman, there is a different mindset that comes into play when getting sexual with a strap-on dildo, and they may feel like providing their partner with that new kind of stimulation os a revelation all on its own. If you have a partner who’s GGG (that’s good, giving, and game, a mainstay of sex talk legend Dan Savage’s sexual lingo), then your lady love will be down to plunder that sweet booty of yours. All you need to do is ask.

Don’t just take it from me – experts have also weighed in on their experiences pegging their fellas.

Zoë Ligon, better known as Thongria on Instagram and Twitter, owns Spectrum Boutique (rights reserved), a sex-positive adult store that specializes in quality toys made of glass, silicone, and more - and she's especially dedicated to making people comfortable with the joys of butt stuff.

A thoughtful and well-spoken sex educator who is a dildo aficionado with an open mind, Ligon doesn't rely on traditional advertisement models to drive sales. Instead, she knows that the joy of penetration comes from discovering what your partner may like. Ligon lives for the art of the strap-on. It’s no surprise then, that someone so all about the booty wrote thought-provoking required reading for Bustle on the joys of pegging. In it, Ligon talks about what an amazing experience it was to explore pleasuring a man’s prostate. With a particular partner, she got the chance to practice pleasuring his anus first. And when she finally got to peg him? She discovered more than just pleasure. She also discovered the power both parties have during sex.

To Ligon, it’s about way more than who’s getting “fucked” and who’s doing the “fucking.” That dynamic is used as a means to continue putting people in certain lights or roles. Instead of it just being a one-way street where the penetrator is in power, she understood that people are just that – people. We are exchanging instruction and experience at every turn, and playing with our bodies in ways in a balanced exchange and sharing of flesh. To her, it’s not necessarily one person lording power over the other. Especially in a male/female dynamic, it's important to connect as equals while discovering pegging.

Ultimately, the most surprising thing she realized? Ligon described pegging as hot, but also as innocent and intimate – and she’s not the only one who feels that way

A former pro-domme and current author, Nichi Hodgson started pegging not out of love like Ligon, but as a form of domination. Psychologically, she says, she enjoyed it. She loved being in charge and seeing the vulnerability of these men. 

Because of this dynamic, she was hesitant to try pegging with her romantic partners...at first. After a while, though, she met a boyfriend who was genuinely interested in her pegging him – not as a dom, but as equals. When Hodgson pegged her boyfriend, she had a similar reaction as Ligon: the experience was “intimate,” “sensual,” and “wholesome.” 

It helped that her partner was on his back so they could kiss as she did it. All in all, both these women found that pegging was actually pretty romantic. Hodgson loved to see her partner in this new way, and loved to see their trust in each other.

That’s because opening yourself up to someone is vulnerable, and it takes a lot of strength for a man to surrender and let himself be pleasured that way. Pegging takes confidence, self-assuredness, and a trust in your partner to make it feel good. Who isn’t looking for those qualities in a man?

Is pegging always intimate?

For some people, pegging isn’t about connecting with another person. For them, it’s more about having a good time. Some people love to casually peg a man – and a lot of times, it’s because of their man’s sexy moans.

Other times, women love to peg because they feel powerful, capable, and incredibly sexy to be the ones wielding that power. If you ask Karley Sciortino, head of the blog Slutever and all around sex wizard, she is all about pegging. A true journalist, she asked her friends what exactly they loved about pegging. The majority agreed: the empowerment was a rush. “Everyone,” they say, “should fuck a man at least once.” 

There are roughly a million reasons why people are all about pegging, but honestly, the meat of it is that we’re all after a new kind of pleasure that gives us a real thrill. There’s something to be said about pegging being like a superpower: being able to make someone orgasm without even touching their erection once. 

If you’re thinking about pegging, introduce the topic slowly. When you and your partner are ready, start with your fingers. Don’t forget the lube.

Tell us exactly why you love pegging in the comments!