Rimming

Rimming? Here's what you need to know

“He toss my salad like his name Romaine.” When Nicki Minaj made the claim heard ‘round the world, rim jobs became a mainstream staple of a sexy diet. Anilingus, rim jobs, salad tossing, or eating cake, exploring the back door is here to stay.

Rimming, the art of circling your lover's anus with your tongue, is a gentle guide and delectable first step into the world of anal play - and it's something everyone needs to try. As Asa Akira ( the self-dubbed porn queen of anal) says, “ass is the new pussy.” But before you just head on down south, make sure you have the skills to make your partner a satisfied customer. 

Ask your partner first

Any new sexy act you pick up and incorporate into the bedroom requires one major thing: talking about it.

Rim jobs may feel great, and an element of the allure is just how shocking it feels, but you have to make sure you know whether your partner is into rim jobs first. When you bring it up, you have to stay open to whatever they want to say. 

Start the conversation by talking about how hot you find your partner, and how you’d like to pleasure them in as many ways as possible – including with rim jobs. Give your partner time to think about it, if they need it, and talk about boundaries or limits that would make them more comfortable.

There’s always the possibility that you’ll get turned down, and the only thing you can do is make your peace with it. Rejection is a part of the process, and there’s nothing you can do to make them change their mind. Being open to their limits and keeping conversations nonjudgmental just opens you up to new sex talks down the line.

They said yes – now what?

It can be a little daunting to head on down there and start tossing that salad if you’ve never done it before. Most of us are pretty nervous our first time. But don’t worry – it’s actually not as hard as it seems. Like with most acts, if you want to curl your partner’s toes, begin by building up anticipation. 

Sex expert Elle Chase told Men’s Health that the booty is “a pleasure zone” for all genders because of the “delightfully sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus.” If you’ve ever played with an erogenous zone, you know that harder isn’t exactly better. The same goes for butt stuff. Start by kissing your way down their bodies, starting at their neck. As you get to the creases between their legs, or just under their butt, spend time there exploring with your tongue and some nibbles as you're rimming. These sensations will make your partner gasp in delight. Slowly circle closer towards their anus, rimming it without hitting it, until they’re practically begging you to explore more.

When you finally reach it, start slow while rimming, and explore what works best for your partner. Listen to their moans and the way their body jerks. Feeling sexy? Ask your partner what feels good.

Be open to making mistakes

I know you may have been giving head or eating pussy (or both) for years now, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be an anal pro right out the gate. It’s a whole new body part, one that has a totally different sensory field.

But don’t let the fear of being bad at rimming keep you from having fun. To get started, you may find it easiest if the receiver starts lying on their back. Aside from some moans of pleasure, they should be mostly still. That way, they can lean back and enjoy the pleasure while you, the giver, can focus on finding out what exactly makes them tick. Move their legs up and apart so you can get the best angle for rimming. Make sure you're hitting the spots you want to hit - body hair can make the rimming journey a little more confusing.

It’s okay if you’re not the best at it – nobody is a master their first time. If you’re struggling, reposition your partner's legs until you find the right spot, ask them to tell you when rimming feels good, and don’t let a little silence discourage you from exploring. 

Showers come first

While our media pushes spontaneous sex, when it comes to anal play, always plan ahead. Butts are usually taken off the table because of a fear of them being dirty, and rimming is a very personal sexual act.

Getting sexual with another person who's got their tongue circling your anus means doing the prep work for a rimming experience they'll be eager to repeat. If you want someone to plunder that booty, but are scared of horror stories about everything that can go wrong, take my advice: go beyond just learning how to rim a person. Learn how to keep it clean before rimming.

Use a bidet to clean the area around and in the anus, invest in some wet wipes, or search Getty Images (rights reserved) for the best self-cleaning options around. Feeling nervous? People might also try performing a douche or enema before letting another person down there to give them a rim job. Although that may seem over the top, your partner is going to be up close and personal with their tongue and lips between those spread cheeks, and that rim job stimulation may just lead to other sexual favors. Be ready for whatever the day throws your way.

Be careful how you lick

If the person you’re playing with has a vagina, licking can only take one direction. Never lick back to front. Start with vaginal play before you move to the anus, or just stay at the back door all night long. Hopping back and forth will only put your lover at risk of getting an infection, meaning they’ll be super miserable and you both won’t be diving into butt play any time soon.

Don’t be that person – start with the front, then work your way back. You owe it to your partner, even if they’re a one night stand.

For casual lovers, play it as safe as possible by using protection. A sex act like oral can still transmit disease, and rimming in particular can open you up to certain things if you don't take good care to be safe. The best way to be sure? Use a dental dam. Your tongue will lick against the material, and you can get sexual for a good, long time (just like you like), and dive into the act of rimming without worrying about your mouth coming in contact with bacteria or STIs. With a conscious STI talk and safety precautions that serve you both, you'll be rimming with abandon in no time.

Toss that salad

Salad tossing isn’t just for chefs anymore! This treat just gets better with practice, and the more you have at it, the better it’ll feel. Go beyond knowing how to define rim job. Now's your time to be a rimming pro, one so good that your face will pop up on the next Getty Images search for rimming. Got a really hot tip for readers (men, women, and nonbinary folks alike)? Share it in the comments below.