Voyeur

Voyeur 101

Spying on someone has always given you a rush, but you know every good voyeur has to toe a line. Curious about getting your voyeur rocks off ethically? Here's what you need to know.

First: voyeurism to avoid

Gay Talese certainly made waves when he wrote The Voyeur's Motel, and for all the wrong reasons. Talese exposed the private lives of people in the ultimate voyeur-related story of modern times. It started with Gerald Foos, voyeur and motel owner who spied on his guests through the airvents. After learning about this motel owner's nonconsensual voyeur habits, Gay Talese did the unthinkable: he accompanied Foos to spy on others in their sexual, private moments to turn it into a story. As if that sexual spying wasn't enough, this voyeur then went and published that book, detailing all he saw.

Sound complicated? In December 2016, Netflix released a documentary film about this voyeur duo, who were profiled by two film directors named Koury and Kane. Through their Netflix film, you learn that Talese says he did it not for voyeur thrills, but so he could see with his own eyes exactly what this motel-voyeur was up to. A a writer, he claimed to care about documentary-level detail and journalism.

We say 'whatever.' Talese may be a writer, he's also the best voyeur definition Oxford English Dictionary could give. See for yourself, and watch that documentary Netflix film.

That voyeur meaning and pronunciation takes the backseat to this fact anyway: everything related to the voyeur life needs consent first. The strength of your sexual fantasies never overrides someone’s right to consent. Peeping Toms are old news, and upskirt movie shots are a disturbing trend that has to end. But that doesn't mean you need to table your fantasy.

What does a good voyeur do?

To keep from hurting others, peeping through someone’s curtains at night must remain a fantasy. But if BDSM tells you anything, it’s that fantasies become (consensual) new realities every day. There are many ways to awaken your inner voyeur while keeping your morals intact.

Start with the wide world of porn: just search 'voyeur.' Only watch ones uploaded by folks with a checkmark by their name, so you know they consented to the content. If you don’t make sure, you might be continuing a chain of misery. So go ethical when watching porn – you’ll still find all the kinky things you’re seeking (and then some).

Get in on the action

Watching porn isn’t the only way to get your voyeur on. For every would-be voyeur in the world, there are loads of thirsty exhibitionists waiting to be spotted. In one survey, 20% of folks reported getting off on the idea of someone watching them have sex.

With so many willing parties from all walks of life, it’s no surprise that so many lovers find themselves in highly erotic situations like this one. And you’re no exception – voyeurism is a perfectly healthy expression of sexuality, and there are many different ways to explore this wilder side of you. And wouldn’t you know it, there are three ways to experiment tonight that are well within your reach.  

Explore your inner cuck

If the idea of your partner with another person turns you on, you may just have a cuckolding fetish. Cuckolding, or cucking for short, is when a person called a “cuck” (usually a man) watches his partner get satisfied by someone else. Often, it’s linked to erotic humiliation, a kink where someone is turned on by being humiliated. In cuckolding, that humiliation comes from the notion that the cuck just isn’t enough to satisfy their partner.

It’s not always about humiliation, though. Some people find their partner so sexy that watching them orgasm is deeply arousing – even if they’re not involved in their partner’s pleasure. Watching your partner have sex is like watching a porno starring your favorite lover, but better, because you’re so close you can almost touch them.

Head to a sex party

If cucking isn't your voyeur cup of tea, a sex party is another easy way to play out your voyeur fantasies. Like the name implies, sex of all stripes unfolds all around you during this kind of party. Through it all, consent reigns supreme.

All sex parties have one rule: ask first. Even a voyeur has to follow that advice. So when you stumble across folks going at it that you want to feast your eyes upon, ask them before sitting down. When you find a consenting crew, you’ll be able to stretch out and enjoy the show all night long. 

Don’t know where to start? Find a sex party online through FetLife, Feeld, or SwingTowns, and see what you can find. Who knows? Maybe you'll find a couple who'll let you watch their Netflix and chill.

Talk with your partner

Be brave and talk to your partner about the depths of your fantasies. Start slow, and ask them about their fantasies first. Then, when you share yours, consider introducing them to the thrills of voyeurism on Netflix or with porn. Talk openly, and they may have secretly been eager to please you and thrilled to hop onto your voyeur platform.

If they’re game, perform a scene together whose parameters you define together. Maybe y'all could pick a time for your partner to leave their door unlocked. Then they’ll decide to masturbate while “home alone” watching Netflix. You can “sneak” into the house and peek through the cracked door, or listen in as they moan from their own touch. The fantasy's only limit? Your own observation skills and stamina.

Be proud of who you are

By understanding that 'voyeurism' and 'consent' are two words in the English, French, and Spanish language that go hand-in-hand, you’re on the way to exploring the relationship between watcher and watched. It may not be the theme of a December rom-com, but being an ethical voyeur is a thrill you deserve to indulge in.